Lockdown Love; making time for each other in the chaos.

Hey Piglets, I hope you’re all as safe and well as you can be! I have no idea what day it is, how long we have been in quarantine or what I’m supposed to be doing today…. so what else is new? 😂 Anyways, today I wanted to write about how we’re managing the lockdown as a couple; it’s not easy to make time for each other in the chaos of teenagers, homeschooling, housework, studying and everything else but it’s something we are working really hard on. So I figured why not share our ideas, and see if you have any suggestions of your own! Sharing is caring right?

Planning is Sexy.

Okay, well maybe the act of planning isn’t going to get you hot and bothered (unless it does, in which case no judging!) but being realistic about your time and commitments is a good idea. If you know how much you’ve got going on every day, you’ll find it easier to make time for getting it on!

We have (lazy) teenage kids, three cats, a garden and a home to keep up with. Eddie has his college work, writing, art work and counselling to juggle. I am doing most of the home education stuff with Owain, as well as my own projects and writing. Plus I just signed up online to a couple of courses that I’m super looking forward to – but more on that in a future post. We’re not as busy as some folks are in the lockdown thankfully, but we do have to be careful with our time in order to make sure we can prioritise being together.

Make it work for you.

Whether your only spare moment in the day is when your baby has a long nap, or getting the kids to bed at night is when you have some breathing space – you can carve out some time for each other. And once you find that gap in the busyness of the daily grind; trust me, you’ll protect it like an angry Mama Goose!

Our protected time together looks like this;

• We sit together for coffee/breakfast every morning for about 30 minutes. This is where we talk about the day ahead, anything that is bothering us or stuff we need to address. It’s a time for us to check in with each other as well as make sure we’re on the same page with kids/house/life stuff.
• Every Thursday evening we have a designated “Date Night” from 7pm onwards. We take it in turns to plan this for each other on a week by week basis and it’s something we look forward to and protect every week. Even if I’m really struggling with my health, I still try to make an effort for Date Night.
• Throughout the day; I make a point of giving Eddie a hug, or squeezing his arm as I pass, or a quick peck on the cheek. Physical affection is super important to him, so I try to make sure he gets lots of it!
• Each evening before we do our own things (usually bed early for me, gaming or movies for him) we make sure we have a big hug and loads of kisses. If there’s been any tension or annoyance between us we sort it out fully, apologising if needed, so that peace can be fully restored again.

What is this “Quality Time” of which you speak?

It’s worth mentioning here that “quality time” is not just a euphemism for sex – come on, don’t be coy, you know what I’m talking about 😉 every one I know – especially folks with children – uses a cheeky euphemism once in a while!

Quality time means something that shows you value your partner and your relationship. This may look like a deep conversation, playing a game together, spending time holding hands on the sofa, planning an activity to do together and so on. It can be as simple as a chat in the garden over coffee, or as fancy as a candle lit bubble bath for two. It’s all about the intention, the thought and time you put into it for one another.

Backyards can be romantic too!

Of course that’s going to include sex too at some point or other; sex is an important part of any healthy romantic relationship, developing trust and intimacy between partners and strengthening the connection they share. It’s not the be all and end all though!

But we already spend all day together now, why bother?

I get it. You’re stuck at home together pretty much 24/7. You see each other now more than you have ever done before. Why make the effort to have even more time together?

It’s a perfectly valid question and the only way I can answer it is with my own experience. As you know, my health isn’t great and so my husband Eddie is my Carer as well. He helps me with everything, all day every day. He helps me get dressed, have a shower, even go to the loo. He does stuff that I can’t manage. He is brilliant. And as much as this demonstrates exactly how much he must love me, it makes it hard to maintain the “romance” part of our marriage!

Candle making was a fun, creative date!

We already spent every day together before lockdown, so we have had a while to learn how to manage it. Before we prioritised our time together, we both felt like each day was the same and our relationship began to deteriorate. We got on each other’s nerves, we found faults and nit picked and bickered. We stopped making the effort. Our sex life suffered, our emotional connection wobbled, our parenting wasn’t as great as we wanted it to be….

Making the time to be together properly felt like drawing a line in the sand for us both; it was a declaration of how important we are to one another as partners, as lovers, as husband and wife. Since intentionally spending this time together our relationship has deepened and grown so much stronger. It’s brought back the balance we were missing.

Since the Covid-19 outbreak and subsequent quarantine measures, we’ve found that this protected time together is more important than ever. Before, we would have time through most days while the kids were out at college or with their mates. Now they are here every moment of every day, and it’s made the time we can spend together feel even more precious!

17 years married and we still like each other!

I am pretty sure that the reason our marriage is so strong is because we make time for one another. Time is literally the most precious commodity in the Universe; choosing to give that time to your lover, instead of using it elsewhere, is a huge deal.

Date night silliness! Pampering is fun!

If it worked for us, I am certain it can work for you too! Whatever your circumstances – however busy you are or how hectic your home life may be – making a little bit of time to spend with your partner is possible for everyone. It will make you both feel better, which will have a positive knock on effect in every other area of your life.

Now it’s over to you; how do you make time for your relationship? Do you have any fun quarantine date night ideas for me? Maybe you’re planning to make “quality time” an important part of your schedule now? I’d love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via my Instagram @wholly_dee

Take care Piglets, be safe xxx

Learning to Listen

As I’ve touched on it previously, you’ll be aware that my health isn’t the best. I don’t want to get into the long and complicated diagnoses and details – it’s not anyone else’s business – so let’s just say my body won’t do what most others do without effort. My mind, too, is not the same either. It would be a great big lie to say it’s been easy adapting to my “new normal” (gods that’s a saying we’re all rabbiting at the moment!) but after almost 6 years, I’m finally learning to listen. My body and brain let me know what they need and when – but for the longest time I’ve ignored them both.

Acceptance isn’t Surrender.

So much of the rhetoric in the disability and chronic illness community is – in my opinion – quite harmful. We’re “warriors“, we “battle ourselves“, we “keep fighting” and so on. I find it unhelpful and upsetting; I can’t fight my own body or mind, surely that’s going to be more damaging? I’m a pacifist anyways, so why would I go to war with my own flesh?

Letting go of this idea of being “a warrior” was a huge breakthrough moment for me. I’d got it all twisted up in my head – accepting my condition meant I was giving in to it, I was abandoning my life and allowing it to beat me. What a load of bollocks! Releasing myself from this battle mindset has brought me far more progress than I ever made before!

Everyone these days talks about self love, self care and so on; how can you love and care for something if you ignore it, fight it and punish it? Having a bath or a face mask isn’t going to make any difference at all when you’re being so destructive to yourself.

Calling a Ceasefire.

Accepting one’s limitations – disabled or not – is like calling a ceasefire within yourself. It’s the first step towards having real peace, a time for you to take stock of what’s going on in side of you and start figuring out a way forward.

I’ve been learning to accept what my body can and cannot do and I’m trying to avoid becoming frustrated and upset when things don’t go the way I want. Don’t get me wrong, I still get really pissed of and angry with myself! But I’m happy to say those bursts of irritation are fewer and farther apart. It’s a daily decision and sometimes I make the wrong one.

For example; I love being outside, surrounded by nature and away from human noise and mess. It’s so good for me, it feels like food for my soul! I’m really lucky to live in a place where the wild is a short walk away….. although sometimes that short walk is unachievable. I would get so upset and frustrated that I couldn’t make that journey to the end of the street; I would rage at myself, then become really upset, then that would make me feel worse because of all the energy those feelings used up, meaning it would be even longer until I could get out! Now, I make the most of what I can do; I go sit in my backyard and look up at the trees on the hill near my home. I listen to the birds and watch the wind blowing the leaves. If the noise of the neighbours bugs me, I pop my headphones on and listen to an audiobook or podcast or even nature recordings. It’s not perfect, but it still does wonders for my mental wellbeing and ultimately means I can get to the meadow much quicker!

Poisonous Positivity.

I’m not going to bang on the “think positive” drum! While having a positive outlook can help generally with your emotional and physical wellbeing, it’s not a cure all. It can actually make things worse in the long run.

Refusing to acknowledge when life is hard – when you’re in pain and struggling – is harmful. Brainwashing yourself into believing “it’s all fine, everything is awesome” when your world is falling apart is unbelievably unhealthy. Looking on the bright side won’t cure you of chronic illness.

One of the most insulting things I’ve ever been told is “Maybe if you tried to think more positively, you’d get well again”. This is TOXIC POSITIVITY and it’s a load of bullshit. That’s not what I’m talking about.

Real acceptance means understanding that sometimes it’s shit. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes the pain is too much; sitting with those feelings of sadness and anger, processing them and acknowledging them is healthy and much better for you than pushing them down or locking them away!

Every journey starts with one step.

Maybe you’re reading this and a light bulb has pinged on in your head; “That’s me, I’m waging war on myself and it’s making me worse!” But you don’t know how to stop, you’ve been told to fight hard never give up. That accepting is weakness, that all you need is to keep going and have faith and never quit and one day you’ll have the life back you had before…

I see you, I get it, I was you.

The first step is the hardest. I know it’s a cliche but it really is; actually looking at yourself and acknowledging all the pain and pressure you’re putting yourself through isn’t a pleasant experience. Letting go of that ingrained warrior mindset is a daily choice; choosing to listen to what your mind and body is trying to tell you feels like starting to learn a new language from scratch! It’s difficult, and you will make mistakes.

I get it wrong every day. Whenever a new symptom pops up I lose my shit all over again! It takes me ages to accept another thing going wrong with me, so please don’t think I’ve got this on lock. I really haven’t!

Making mistakes, fucking it up, failing…. it’s how you learn. It’s okay to get it wrong. It’s not okay to give up trying to get it right! For me, being more tolerant and accepting of myself is very much two steps forward and one back; it’s a long bumpy road filled with potholes and I don’t have a map, I’m trying to walk in flip flops and I forgot my water bottle! It’s learning to do something I’ve never been shown how to do. It’s unlearning all the stuff that’s been drummed into me ever since I can remember.

It’s hard, but it’s not impossible.

I hope that sharing this has encouraged someone – even just one person – to begin to make peace with themselves. That would be a successful blog post in my book! If you’re that person, please do let me know. I’d love to keep in touch and see how you go on!

Take care Piglets, you’re all loved so very much xx

It’s Been a Minute….

Hey lovelies, how are you all doing? I know it’s been a minute since my last post; but things have been completely mad for a long while!

When I last updated my blog, I was sharing how thrilled we were with our bedroom makeover on a budget (you can read about it here) and I was planning other DIY projects and generally looking forward to 2020!

What I couldn’t have known is all the turmoil that was about to begin – not just for me but the entire world.

As you know, my health is not great. Well to be honest it’s not even okay – it’s stinky poopy crap bleurgh! And it’s been getting even worse, with lots of new and quite frankly terrifying symptoms. Complete memory loss, “absences”, loss of muscle control, spasms and tremors and – the icing on the cake – recurrent kidney infections. My mental health hit the fan too; seeing a PTSD flare up of flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety attacks and so on. It’s been shit BUT I did the right thing and got some help.

Doctor appointments turned into Consultant meetings; scans were booked, blood was drawn (15 vials in one go, sheesh) and I had a psychiatric assessment too. Everything was plodding on thanks to the wonderful NHS – new diagnoses were almost confirmed and signed off – and then……

The world shut down.

A terrifying super virus swept across the planet, causing everything to stop. And it’s been stopped ever since; we’re in lockdown and will be for the foreseeable future. It’s a scary time for all of us.

So I figured now would be a good time to get back to blogging! I need an outlet for all the noise and chatter in my head; someone to “talk to” about my kitchen makeover, stuff I daydream about in my garden, parenting fails and triumphs with the teens…. know what I mean? If that sounds like something you’d be interested to read then stay tuned! I honestly don’t know what will be posted or when; but it will all be completely honest, unapologetic, bargain fixated and wholly me.

Stay safe loves xx

Me and My Guy.

Eddie and I are celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary this year! I know it’s a cliche, but it really doesn’t feel as though all of that time has passed. I still get weak in the knees when he smiles at me, and my tummy does that weird flip flop feeling when I see him approach. Yes, I am disgustingly in love with my man – and I’m not apologising for it! We met when I was just 16 and he was 20 – at his girlfriend’s house – and the spark was there from the beginning for us both. We had an ill fated fling and I moved away so we lost touch. Three years later there was a knock at my front door; standing in the pouring rain with a his crinkly eyed grin was Eddie! I hugged him so tight, my bare feet freezing and my clothes getting soaked and my heart full to bursting. He came in to my home, and he never left. We were married just 6 weeks later. I was 19 years old, he was 23. Nobody believed we would make it past two months – nobody except us, and we were right!

Marriage isn’t always easy.

We were very young when we got married and we both had a lot of growing up to do. We both had tumultuous childhoods that still affected us; we were both broken and trying to help each other heal, and even with the best intentions things can and do go very wrong along the way. Our first years together were not rose tinted and lovey dovey!

We had our second child when I was 21 and shortly after his birth I began to behave strangely. Things escalated rapidly and I was placed on a psychiatric ward for my own protection. I had developed puerperal psychosis a rare form of serious post natal depression and I was very very poorly. Before I was diagnosed, the illness caused me to do things I never normally would do……. things that almost cost me my marriage. In fact, when I was discharged from the hospital I had to go live in a hostel for a while as Eddie wasn’t sure what to do for our future. I was heartbroken; a constant physical ache in my chest would keep me awake at night, it would worsen whenever I heard his voice on the phone or when I went to see my children. I knew why it was happening and didn’t hold anything against Eddie at all, it just hurt so much.

I still remember the day he told me he wanted to give our marriage another try. He was standing by the fireplace and I was sat with our girl on my knee reading her a book. He looked over at me and said “I’ve been thinking, and I want you to move back in. I’m still in love with you, I can’t stop thinking about you and I want you to come home. Please will you come back?”

Since then we have had our ups and downs like any couple, but we have always stayed together. Marriage isn’t always easy – but if you both continue to choose each other over all else, there’s usually a way through any problems.

Is there a secret to a successful marriage?

The short answer is NO. Except it’s not really that simple, is it? Everybody is different; we all carry our own baggage with us and that affects our relationships with everybody around us. It’s difficult to take responsibility and ownership for your mistakes – especially when they are caused by external issues such as trauma, health struggles etc – but being willing to apologise and learn from mistakes is kind of a big deal for the health of a relationship.

I saw a shirt design a while ago, it said willing to be wrong; and as much as I think I am always right, I know I make a mess sometimes. What matters is what I do with it and how I clean it up afterwards!

I think I will write some more posts about marriage/relationships in future. Obviously I’m not an expert and don’t pretend to be; however the added challenges of being married young, having teenage kids, disability and carer/care receiver dynamics aren’t covered generally by a lot of relationship blogs I’ve read over the years!

Is there anything you would like me to include in future ponderings on relationships? Perhaps you have some advice for me – I bloody love hearing how other folks handle hurdles in their love life! Please do let me know in the comments below, or if you wish to keep your question private then please email me instead,

Much love, Dee xx

Losing Someone Precious.

I’ve been learning a lot about emotional resilience the last few weeks. Things didn’t work out as planned with our rescue dog, my teenage daughter has been through some heart ache and my health has been terrible. These events are all equally difficult to handle in their own ways, but they cannot compare to the pain of watching someone you love grieve after losing someone special.

My husband Eddie is my world. He really is everything to me; he’s my best friend, lover, confidant and carer, and I would do anything for him. Last week, one of the most important people in his life – Grandma – passed away in hospital. He got to see her just before she died, something that I will be eternally thankful for.

Grandma was almost 90 years old and her health had been declining steadily for the last few years. This lady grew up during World War II, she raised her own children and then took in her grandsons (my Eddie and his brother) and raised them. She nursed her beloved husband Arthur, never leaving his side, until he died from Emphysema. This amazing lady fought to keep her independence as she grew older – it was only a couple months ago that she gave up her keep fit classes – and still lived in the home she raised her family in. She was a remarkable woman.

Eddie and Grandma were very close. She would often tell me “I know I’m not meant to have a favourite, but my Edward is special”. You see, Eddie’s childhood wasn’t the easiest but Grandma was his anchor in the midst of the stormy times. She has been his constant support, his loudest cheerleader and her unconditional love has been with him all the days of his life. Grandma was such a wonderful woman to so many people, to my husband she was so much more than a Gran.

As you can imagine, it’s been horrible since she passed. At first Eddie went into shock; he had literally just returned from seeing her in the hospital when he got the call to say she had gone. I was ready for tears, shouting, wailing even….. but instead he just carried on as normal. We told the kids and comforted them as best we could, then Eddie got on with his own things like nothing had happened. I think it finally sunk in through that first night, because the next morning the tears really did start.

It’s been just over a week now. His grief is so heartbreaking to watch. He isn’t weeping and wailing; rather he’s struggling to accept that she’s gone, in his head he knows that she has died but he still finds himself thinking he needs to call her or arrange to go for a cuppa. I guess when someone has been part of your life for so long, it will take time to accept their departure. And the first stage of grief is denial after all, so I know it won’t last forever.

The funeral is just under a week away; and while it’s a time of remembrance and closure, it also brings it’s own challenges for my husband. Strained family relations, a crippled wife, a long journey on public transport…… all these things stack up on him one by one. I hope he doesn’t break apart underneath it all.

As for me, I don’t know what to do to help him or how to ease his pain at her passing. I wake up in the night and hold him as he cries, I sit and listen as he tries to make sense of his feelings, I share precious memories of her with him when he wants to talk about her life. What else can I do but be here and love him? What else should I be doing? Those aren’t rhetorical questions; if you have any good ideas I would love to hear them – because I have never felt so powerless in our almost 16 years together as I do now.

Have you supported a loved one through their grief before? Or perhaps you’re in the same boat right now? If you’re in need of support, or you have any helpful suggestions then please comment below. I would appreciate any help we’re given!

Take care, hold your dear ones close and let them know how precious they are to you xxx

Eight little acts of love each day.

How do you fit self-care into every day, when self-care is about expensive bath bombs and facials, haircuts and afternoon teas? Spoiler Alert – self-care is way more accessible and achievable than spending £10 on a bath or getting your hair blown out at the salon! It can be cheap as chips (we need to change that saying, chips are getting dear these days – Brexit amirite?) and easily slot into your daily routine. Don’t believe me? I’ve compiled a list of eight ways you can show yourself love each and every day without spending any money and without needing to clear your diary! I can feel the skepticism…..

The Easy Eight.

• Wake Up, Check In. Body scanning is really easy and quick! When you wake up; take a moment to breathe deeply and, starting at your feet, think about how each part of you is feeling. Anything aching or sore? Imagine your breath flowing to that soreness and blow it away. Holding any tension in a muscle? Breathe into it and let it go. When you’ve done your body, ask yourself how you’re feeling today and make note of anything that’s worrying you or making you happy. Then get up, stretch and go!
• Eat Your Breakfast. I’m not talking about cooking yourself a huge Full English each day – unless you want to, you go for it – but making sure you eat every morning is important. Sitting down with a slice of toast and cuppa only takes a few minutes but has a huge positive impact on the rest of your morning. Your body needs nourishment to function well. Love yourself and EAT.
• Basic Ablutions. Most people laugh when I say this, but washing your face and brushing your teeth is a daily act of self care! Are you not caring for your teeth by brushing them? Doesn’t washing your face care for your skin? Allowing yourself time to do these essential things well each day – not rubbing your face with a damp cloth while simultaneously scrubbing your molars – shows you love in the most basic of ways.
• Fresh Air is Good Medicine. There’s no denying that fresh air is good for our bodies and our souls too! Our homes and workplaces can easily become stuffy and smelly, germs and dust spread and it’s just yucky. Not everyone can go outside every day – I struggle to go out more than a few times a week – but that shouldn’t stop you from breathing in that lovely freshness. simply sitting by an open window for five minutes can make a big difference. Of course if you can, go outside!
• Drink Up. Whenever my kids complain about headaches or feeling poorly, the first thing I ask them is “how much water have you had today?” Our bodies and brains contain a lot of water, and even a small decrease in hydration can have big effects on your well-being. Drinking about 2 litres of water throughout your day is essential, but some folks claim they don’t like it – so try decaf, herbal and fruit teas, dilute squash, fruit juices and ice lollies! You will pee more, but you will feel better!
• Be Creative. I’m not talking about chiseling a huge block of marble into a Venus Di Milo knock off (but again, if you want to then do it!) but taking a few minutes to get creative brings such joy and peace to me every day! How about moving your cushions around, or lighting some candles? Make your lunch look pretty, or put on some make-up; snatch a moment of intentional creativity every day and see if it doesn’t cheer you a little.
• Put Your Phone Down. Lots of us live with a mobile phone permanently on us, constantly connected to the internet and always contactable. No wonder we all feel so worn out and stressed all the time eh? The world will not end if you eat your tea without looking at your phone, nor will it cease to turn if you read a book at bedtime instead of scrolling through social media! In fact, there is an abundance of research that proves putting your phone down for a while each day boosts positive mental and physical well-being, creativity and healthy sleep cycles. So put it down.
• Bed Time Routines Aren’t Just For Babies. As a raging insomniac I cannot stress the importance of a good nightly routine! It signals to your brain that it’s time to go to sleep, resulting in the release of the sleep chemical melatonin and ushering you off to dream land. It doesn’t need to be complex; every evening around 10pm I go to the loo, wash my face and brush my teeth then head up to bed. I put on my pajamas and put away my clothes from the day, then I sit in bed and put my moisturiser on and take my medicine. I read for a little while (no phone/tv allowed) and then it’s lights out.

As I was writing this it occurred to me that a lot of this stuff is just common sense and it may come across as obvious – and I guess it kind of is. But that’s the point I’m trying to make here; self-care doesn’t need to cost anything more than a few moments of intention. All of these suggestions are probably things you already do every day without thinking about it, but what if instead you did think about it? What if you saw brushing your teeth as an act of tenderness to yourself, or making/eating lunch as a gift to your body instead of something to gobble down as fast as possible?

And we’re off!

It’s the first day of April and the first day of my new look blog! Thank you so much for popping by; I’ve been working away on this whole re-branding of my site and trying to find my focus since the beginning of 2019, so as you can imagine this is a big deal for me. It’s taken a lot of time, energy, coffee and tantrums to make it this far – at time’s I thought I would never be able to say…. “And we’re off!”

An unlikely beginning.

The first time I thought about writing a lifestyle blog, I was standing in a field at 5am. My husband Eddie was suffering from really awful hay-fever and as a consequence, his usually loud snoring had become deafening and I hadn’t been able to sleep for a few days. So in my semi-delirious state I put my wellies on over my pajamas, popped some sharp scissors in my basket with some rubber gloves and set out to harvest Nettles for a tonic. Bending over a patch of stinging nettles with my green wellington boots, my bright yellow Marigolds and my hair sticking out everywhere, the idea of writing a lifestyle blog popped into my head!

Of course I laughed it off, labeling it as sleep deprived randomness as you do. I mean who would want to read about my life? Who would take tips and hints from me? I couldn’t write a lifestyle blog surely! And yet…. the idea wouldn’t go away, it took root and started to grow in my mind and before I knew it, I was buying a domain name and tapping away on my new-to-me laptop. If you’d like to know more about what I mean by “Alternative Lifestyle” then please do go check out the page about me.

The A to Z Challenge.

To get this party started (and hopefully teach myself a bit of blogging discipline) I decided to join in with this year’s Blogging From A to Z Challenge. I didn’t know before signing up but it’s the challenge’s tenth year, so it feels really exciting to be celebrating the beginning of my blog alongside such a significant milestone! The challenge is to share a post every day throughout April (excluding Sundays – a blogger needs a break too you know!) for each letter of the alphabet. So this is my post for the letter A! If you’d like to find other writers taking on the challenge, please check out #AtoZchallenge on Twitter and Instagram or like the A to Z page on Facebook

I hope you have enjoyed today’s post as much as I have, it feels great to finally be up and running! Do make sure to pop by tomorrow to see what I’ve come up with for the letter B…… I’ll give you a clue; it’s very hairy and has four lanky legs!

Before I go…..

If you have enjoyed this post (as well as those already available on the website) and would like to stay in touch, please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. I won’t be bombarding you with hundreds of emails – in fact it will probably be just the odd one or two here and there – as I can get easily overloaded with vast quantities of mail in my Inbox (I have literally over 1000 unread emails just siting in there as I type this)!

If you have any burning questions, or subjects you would like me to waffle on about, please do comment below and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks so much for reading, I will see you tomorrow!

Rough around the edges.

I shared a post on my Instagram page recently about a how a beautiful plant I spotted in my local garden centre inspired me to think of my rough edges in a better way. If you’d like to read the post please do so here. As usual, when I have these moments of reflection, the thought grows and becomes much deeper than originally planned – so much so that I couldn’t fit it in another post on social media! I guess that’s the beauty of blogs right?

Learning from Nature.

Mother Nature is a ceaseless source of inspiration and teaching for me. I’ve learned (and continue learning) so much about the world and myself, just simply by observing Her wonderful work. That’s where the beautiful pink rimmed plant comes in. The first time I saw it, I was struck by the gorgeous green of the leaves and their delicate lighter pattern. I love leaves; I’m much more a foliage than flower kinda girl, you can see evidence of my leaf love all over my home in my houseplant choices! Anyways, I digress…..

On the morning of the post, I woke up feeling a little rough around the edges. I suffer from various chronic conditions and some days are better than others, this day being a not so good one. It’s so easy to fall into a negative way of thinking when we’re not feeling our best, am I right? As open and honest as I try to be about my health, I usually want to gloss over it or hide it/hide from it – I mean, who wants to feel vulnerable all the time?

Looking closely at the picture of the plant, you can see that the edges of the leaves are not smooth at all. They are bumpy, jagged and toothed. Does that make the plant any less beautiful or fit for purpose? Of course not! Not only do they not have a negative impact on the life of the plant, Mother Nature has painted them a fabulous and bright shade of pink! So those rough untidy edges, instead of being hidden or smoothed out, have been decorated and celebrated and repurposed for the future of the plant – after all, bumblebees love colour and will be drawn to this one to pollinate it, so it will continue to grow year after year!

What if instead of protecting or hiding or covering up your rough, prickly, painful or difficult parts you celebrated them instead? What if you could paint them a beautiful and vibrant colour, and display them proudly like the plant does? What would it be like to change something that causes you harm into something that does you good? How would it feel to be proud of your rough edges instead of being embarrassed or ashamed of them?

Some of us are really rough….

My health is not my only rough edge. For years and years I have battled against the feeling of being too much; too intense, too passionate, too quirky, too loud, too deep. People I cared about have told me I’m too much, that I just need to tone it down, that I don’t have to be “like that” all the time. For a good long while I tried to be less, I tried to cover it up and smooth out that rough edge and I pretended to be something I wasn’t. It was exhausting, made me miserable, and those people that thought I was too much? Well they still left my life anyway, no matter how I smothered my personality! Now I love that rough edge, it’s a huge part of what makes me Dee and it’s not being hidden ever again! If I could paint that edge a colour; it would be bright red, the colour of passion and blood and life and fire – and it would show others that they don’t need to snuff out their own inner flame to suit people who don’t burn the same way they do.

Maybe you’re already aware of your rough edges, or maybe you’re wondering what the heck I’m babbling on about! A rough edge can be any part of you – physical, mental or spiritual – that makes you feel uncomfortable and/or causes you to worry what other people may think of you. It’s a vulnerable edge – like an exposed nerve in a tooth cavity – that we try to protect, hide or cover up because we believe it can do us harm. At least that’s what it means for me!

Whether you know where they are or not, we all have these rough edges. And I think they can all be repainted and re-purposed – like a holistic up-cycle project! Every part of us is there for a reason, and whatever the reason is IT’S NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! So if you have people in your life who encourage you to hide, shrink or be ashamed of parts of yourself…. well it may be time to Marie Kondo your friends list. Nobody has the right to tell you what is and is not acceptable about you!

Why not start to get comfortable with your jagged and prickly parts, instead of burying or ignoring them? Get to know them, figure out why they’re there and what they bring to your life. What colour would you paint them? How could you celebrate that part of you? How can you make peace with that rough side of yourself, and find a way to move forward with it?

I would love to hear what your rough sides are and what colours they would be after a makeover! Please do leave a comment below, and let me know what you’re now celebrating about you.

Where Are You Now?

It’s been a hectic month for us here in the Valley! Getting back into the routines of college, work, home education and chores has been a bit of a shock after the delightfully slow days of December. Is it just me, or did January seem to last for about four months instead of one?

Today’s post is about taking a moment in time to check in with YOU. To find out how you are really doing, what you’re feeling and thinking and where you’re at right now in relation to your hopes and dreams for 2019.

I spend a lot of time asking others how they are; I know that a lot of folks ask the question but don’t really want to hear the answer, so when I ask I make a point of being around to listen. I care about people deeply! Whether I am checking in with my kids and husband, or texting a friend or a colleague – if I ask “How are you?” I actually want to know.

I also get asked a lot about how I am. Health professionals, my husband, kids, friends, acquaintances, social media contacts all want to know how I am. This usually means how is my physical health, how are my pain levels, am I very fatigued today etc. When you live with a disability you have to get used to giving lots of detailed information in answer to “How are you feeling today?”

It’s really lovely being asked how I’m getting on, so surely making time to ask myself those things is going to be a good thing – right?

Self Reflection Exercise.

The first thing I do is make myself a nice hot drink – usually a herbal tea – and I grab a notebook and pen. Then I find somewhere quiet and comfy to sit, where I won’t be distracted for at least 15 minutes. As I sit quietly and sip my tea, I start to ask myself the following questions;

How am I feeling today in my whole self?

What do I need more/less of?

What have I learned from the last month/week?*

What part of me am I thankful for?

*depends on your reflection frequency.

I write the answers and thoughts down as they come, usually using the questions as headers in my notebook and ensuring each page is dated.

When you have done your journal, do take a moment to read your responses to yourself. Pay attention to each word – try to avoid correcting spellings etc – and allow yourself to connect with what you have written, without any shame or embarrassment. It’s your life after all, to live however you see fit!

I think a really important part of checking up on our self is looking back over where we’ve been.

Perhaps you’re feeling wobbly, overloaded and drained but you can’t think why? Taking a minute to reflect back on your month, you see how you finished a huge project, worked late 12 times, had a bad cold and the dog got sick! No wonder you’re struggling!

I know it’s a silly example, but I usually find the answers to how I’m currently feeling lay in looking back.

And there you have it – a quick chat with your inner self and a spot of pure self love 😊 Getting to know yourself better will only ever lead to good things – deeper self esteem, unconditional love, grace and integrity are just a few of the benefits of living a life completely rooted in your being.

Do you practice self reflection? How do you like to go about it? Got any tips for me – I do struggle to sit still at times!

Much love xx

New Year….. Same Me!

So here we are, January 2019. Personally, I can’t quite believe that it’s 2019….. I was born in the 1980s and grew up thinking that by this time there would be flying cars and colonies on the moon! Oh well, at least we have Smart phones 😆

Because it’s January, social media is awash with resolutions and pledges and promises to be a better you this year. From Veganuary to Dry January, Slimming World Best Year Ever and so on….. there’s something for everyone. Because EVERYONE has stuff to change, and setting a New Years Resolution is the best way right?

Wrong. Most people break their resolution before the second week of January!

You have probably gathered by now that I am not a resolution fan. I believe that it’s just another way to put pressure on people; people who are constantly fed by society the lies that they are too fat, undesirable, too unhealthy, too ugly as they are.

Not for me thanks!

No diets – working on loving myself unconditionally means loving my jiggly bits however jiggly they might be!

No workouts – I have ME and a whole other host of conditions; do I want to hospitalise myself for a so-called hard body? Computer says no.

No lifestyle changes – my body, mind and spirit have been through enough change and upheaval! Why would I subject myself to anything else?

This year, as I have for the last few years, I am choosing to focus on what I am able to do and being thankful for how far I have come already. I have picked a few fun and interesting things I hope to be able to do this year – things to look forward to and hope for.

Because what is a new year without hope?

It is my deepest hope that someone reading this realises that they are wonderful just as they are. That they don’t have to join a diet club, a gym, or anything else because they are loved and lovely and worthy of love right now.

That’s what I hope for!

What are your hopes for 2019? I would love to hear what you think in the comments!

Much love xxx